


"know no shame." ( one hundred ways to say I love you )

by siirensong



Category: Black Sails
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-22 12:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siirensong/pseuds/siirensong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles/one-shots for James/Thomas, based on p0cketf0x's tumblr post, "One Hundred Ways to Say I Love You."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. #50. "I think you're beautiful."

**Author's Note:**

> This list was created by p0cketf0x of tumblr, who has given permission for the list to be used as drabbles. The original post can be found here: http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you (thank you!!)
> 
> Will be a mix of canon flashback time period, modern, pirate!Thomas, and other possible aus to be elaborated on later.

  
**#50.** "I think you're beautiful."

**verse;** canon flashbacks.

Most mornings, it was James who awoke early, a side effect of the nightmares he tried so hard to conceal, often trying to blame it on his military routine. But Thomas always noticed. And he would slide an arm across his lieutenant's waist to hold tight, while his face would burrow in the crook of James' neck, planting gentle kisses and whispers of “come back to me.” Usually, it worked; James would never speak of it. Thomas understood why- he'd seen it in the way green eyes met the ground the first day they met, the eyes of a man who'd been fighting all his life to prove his worth, and was still made to feel less than by those around him. A dull, painful ache settled in his chest; one day, he would open his lover's eyes. One day, James would understand he was more than enough- to Thomas, he was the world.

After a string of stormy London days, this morning saw the sun breaking through the fog, golden light filtering through the rainy glass. James always slept on the side closest to the window, and looking over, Thomas felt his breath paralyze. The light struck auburn hair, shaken loose and messy with their lovemaking, sunlight setting it aflame to bright red. The white sheet tangled messily over his waist, remnants of the dream he'd been trying to escape, and the book of meditations they shared draped open over his chest. Thomas leaned in closer, brushing the strands of loose hair gently away from his lover's forehead, softly placing a kiss on thinly parted lips, sliding downward to kiss at the innumerable freckles that dotted pale skin. Thomas traced them, creating constellations on his own personal heaven as if whispering prayers of gratitude to sacred creatures both above and next to him.

Green eyes fluttered open to meet blue, and James awakened to Thomas' smile. He briefly wondered if he'd died in his sleep- if this had been the last sight, he certainly wouldn't complain if he had. Instinctively James pulled the sheet a bit higher, feeling his cheeks begin to flush with the heat of embarrassment. He felt like he would never get used to the way Thomas looked at him like he was something special, a work of art to be admired rather than sneered at with disdain.

“What is it?”

“I think you're beautiful.”

James could say nothing in return; the lump that formed in this throat prevented him, the tears accompanying it made him want to shy away. Instead, he settled for drawing Thomas into his arms, holding him tightly, feeling him and breathing him in. For the orphan boy who grew up with nothing, it turned out the heart of a lord was all he needed.


	2. #46. "You can go first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, a huge thank you to everyone who's reading this, for those who left kudos, and for all your lovely kind comments! ♥
> 
> Second, another huge thank you to ElvenSorceress, who helped me figure things out when I was stuck in places on this chapter! ♥
> 
>  **A little background on this verse;** It's loosely based on a modern au a friend and I came up with awhile ago for roleplaying blogs. It's inspired by the fact that at one point Rupert played an MI-5/MI-6 agent and Toby played a James Bond villain with an assistant named Miranda. 
> 
> In this au, Thomas is an MI-5 agent who quit being a politician and his father's heir in order to pursue being an agent. He became frustrated with politics when he realized that very few actually shared his more progressive ideals and thus would try to prevent him from enacting the change he wanted to see in the world. He decided to enter public service as a means of serving people instead, as well as doing so as a rejection his father's corrupt political and criminal legacy.
> 
> Flint, born James McGraw, is an orphan who was born and raised in London's east side. After being raised on the streets and in an orphanage, he eventually joined the Royal Navy, rapidly ascending their ranks. After losing everything, James refused to go back to being 'nothing.' He began using the moniker of James Flint, creating one of London's most feared criminal con artist rings.
> 
> Miranda is Thomas' childhood best friend. They fell in love and married against his father's wishes, as the Barlow and Hamilton families are political rivals. Alfred gives her an ultimatum- leave his family, or he will end the situation himself. Miranda, in an effort to protect Thomas as well as take Alfred down herself, joins Flint's ring because of his well-known hatred of Alfred, eventually becoming his second in command. 
> 
> As Thomas' first major assignment, he is ordered to bring Flint down- by any means necessary. Their lives are never the same when Thomas enters Flint's orphange, one Thomas himself happened to sponsor in charity, and one that Flint himself is still attached to...
> 
> ( all of this is subject to change as I am still working out the details in this verse )

  
**#46.** "You can go first."

**verse;** modern ( MI-5 agent/criminal ).

“You can go first,” turned out to be words he'd regret later on.

The first time was amusing.

The second time saw him bewildered, if not a bit turned on. Their game had grown significantly, and how he loved the challenge in Thomas' blue eyes, darkened with mirth and lust. He certainly wouldn't have agreed to this for anyone else- instead of their usual game, tonight Thomas had opted for a board game as their battle of wills, and James had decided to oblige him, amused at both his choice and the fact Thomas had been digging into his file and was now aware of his military background. He was _curious._

But by the time his third ship sank, James began to get a knot of dread in his stomach that not even Thomas' beautiful, thousand-kilowatt smile could untangle. To make matters even worse, the slow simmer of rage blinded him from clarity, causing him to lose every ship on the board. Through the red haze, he could hear Thomas purr to him- “I won. You owe me.”

It was more than James could take. Angrily, he gripped his game board and flung it across the room, little plastic grey ships flying in every direction. He looked back to find Thomas' understanding smirk and instantly deflated, turning away guiltily to find the window. It wasn't Thomas he was angry with, but rather himself, for letting it get this far in the first place. It was only ever supposed to be about the fucking, a play for power between them, a conquest to enjoy while keeping himself from being imprisoned. Or maybe it was never about that at all; perhaps he simply hungered for the holy light only Thomas could seem to make him crave. Where was he really expecting this to go? That an agent of MI-5, one who'd openly rejected his father's political legacy in order to protect his people, would betray his country in order play house and home with its most wanted criminal? He was openly violating his one and only rule- never have anything you can't walk away from.

But pushing the man away was simply futile. He was addicted to everything Thomas Hamilton was, everything he should have hated- a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth, playing at being a superhero when he'd never known hardship a day in his life. That the country he claimed to be laying his life on the line for created its own monsters, had created _him._ And yet it simply wasn't Thomas' way; he didn't have a cruel bone in his entire body. That's what really scared him. Thomas didn't belong in this world and James didn't know how long he'd be able to protect him, a terrifying thought when everyone who got close to him seemed to meet fates worse than death. He would devour Thomas, and there would be nothing he could do to stop it.

He could see it in the way Thomas looked at him, in the way he protected him from MI-5's prying eyes, despite being the one assigned to put a bullet in his head. They were growing too close, and something would soon have to give. If it wasn't his superiors or his father, then it would be from the tension in his own ranks that didn't at all approve of their relationship nor trust in James' ability to be detached and do what they saw as necessary. 

Gripping the windowsill until his knuckles were white, James' head sank down, willing himself calm, the thought of having to let Thomas go leaving him short of breath. He felt Thomas' arms come around him, his head resting on his shoulder. As if on instinct, James melted against him, closing his eyes and leaning into the embrace, Thomas's hands gripping his on the window ledge, waiting for him to speak. They stood in silence for a few moments, watching the sunset from penthouse windows, the London skyline beginning to come to life. All he wanted his entire life was this- a kingdom before him. And now all of it was empty without the man beside him. 

“I can't lose you.” 

Thomas smiled into the crook of James' neck, kissing and nipping at the exposed bit of flesh he found there. His hands slid downward, fingertips finding their way under elastic to dance over the soft skin of his abdomen. His head came to rest at the top of James' head, closing his eyes and breathing him in. “You didn't even choke on that.”

James remained silent, still unwilling to face him. Sighing, Thomas gently spun James around, holding him tightly at the waist, their foreheads resting against each other. “Only I decide what's best for me. Not you, not my father, not anyone.”

To accent his point, Thomas brought his other hand to bear on the buttons of James' shirt, undoing them slowly and allowing his fingertips to brush against flesh, his mouth finding the tender spot under James' jaw that drove him absolutely mad. He could feel James harden beneath him when he pressed in against him, eliciting a grin as he victoriously pulled the shirt from muscled arms. Thomas took one of James' hands in his own, bringing it to his lips to kiss before tugging him towards the bedroom. “Now. I'll be collecting on our bet.”

To James' own horror, he put up no resistance. To his even greater horror, he didn't _want_ to. He felt Thomas' mouth hungrily devour his own, his back hitting the bed and their kisses signing their death warrants in the sheets as they fall even further. His lips murmur Thomas' name in prayer, but his mind whispers an entirely different mantra:

_Love is weakness, love is weakness, love is weakness._


	3. #31. "Don't worry about me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for all your lovely comments and kudos and for reading :3 I will respond individually very soon!

  
**#31.** "Don't worry about me."

“You don't have to do this.”

Thomas couldn't grip the windowsill any tighter, his knuckles turning white with the same obvious distress his words carried. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes; tears of frustrated anger, tears that their love would never be officially acknowledged with anything but abhorrence. That they were in danger at all. 

The reality was that nothing about them should have worked. A skeptic and a believer, from two vastly different backgrounds, should have run screaming from each other. The differences between them were marked and vast as were the sun and moon; and yet, the world needed both to survive. In the eventide and the dawn, both came together to blur in beautiful similarity.

But sometimes, on days like today, Thomas longed for the moment when their love could be brought into the light, rather than being forced to hide in the shadows. Even a lord who'd dedicated his life to making others' lives better still found himself selfish on occasion; he wanted James in every possible way, unbearable days where he wanted to stand up in front of his entire salon and proclaim to the world that this was the man he loved. 

He refused to look back, to where James had begun to dress. With every piece of clothing, Thomas could feel his faith slowly fading. It was only last night that they had agreed to try and gain the support of the Royal Governor in Nassau, but with the sunrise came doubt. And while Thomas had every belief in the goodness of others, no matter how buried deep, there was a gnawing feeling in his stomach he simply couldn't shake. The pirates would be wary of a Royal Navy vessel; there was every possibility James would not leave the island alive and that thought more than any other had stopped Lord Hamilton cold. Months without any contact; no letters, no midnight kisses or stolen glances, no reading by candlelight, no way to know if his lover had survived. There should have been no question; James was one of the finest swordsmen in the entire Navy, his survival should have been assured. And yet when one of your most precious treasures is at stake, there are no limits to how far you would go to keep them safe. Entire empires rose and fell and declared war for silver and gold; Thomas was willing to surrender for the heart of one man, worth far more than any imperial treasury. The world without James and Miranda at his side seemed so empty. What good was a better world without anyone to share it with? What about _their_ worlds? He was risking everything for this, and yet surely there had to be a better way without bringing down those he loved in the process?

Fully dressed and composed, James met him at the window, reaching for Thomas' hand, their fingers threading together as if they were made to fit perfectly, James brushing his thumb lightly over Thomas' knuckles. In response, Thomas' head sank, defeated, sad. It was so uncharacteristic of him that James was almost unnerved, and would have been if not for understanding the man he loved had one of the biggest hearts he'd ever known.

“I will come back to you. I promise, don't worry about me.”

Thomas couldn't respond; the tears had overwhelmed him to the point of silence. In an attempt to comfort him, James cupped Thomas' cheek and tilted his head to face him, startled by the raw emotion he found there. No one had ever loved him this much, in this way, to the point where they would shed tears for him. It stole his breath, causing him to draw Thomas into his arms, his face burying itself in the curve of Thomas' neck. James' lips brushed against the soft skin he found there, whispering soothingly. He then raised their joined hands, lifting them to where Thomas could see, placing another kiss against rope calloused palms. James lightly played with the ring on his own finger; a ring Thomas had given him. It had been a Hamilton family heirloom and was now a symbol Thomas had given him in an effort to show James how much he meant to him. Their union would never be recognized in the eyes of the law, but Thomas would have him know that like Miranda, James stood at his side as his equal, that their love was every bit as real and true.

“Believe in me. Believe in _**us**_. And when it's over, we'll be together. We can leave for Nassau- you, Miranda, and I can make a life there. We'll leave London behind and have a future. Things _**will**_ get better. I _**promise**_ you they will. ”

Thomas couldn't help but manage a smile; it was odd, he thought, how love turned the world upside down, when the most adamant believer allowed doubt into his heart, and when the most hardened of skeptics would begin to soar in faith. 

Nodding, Thomas clung to him, fingers fisting desperately into the collar of navy blue material, James returning the possessive grip around Thomas' waist. They gravitated instinctively into in a deep, passionate kiss, both of them entrusting their worries to the other, lips hungry and urgent, conveying everything they couldn't with words.

He wasn't sure how long it was before James pulled away, but as soon as he felt James' grip slip from his own, Thomas felt himself break. He no longer knew if he believed in his own plan, but there was no doubt- he would always believe in James. His rising star.

They would have the world they longed for, but they needed to create it first.


End file.
